West Australian parent Tam is finding herself having to say no to her nine-year-old daughter more and more.
"By the time mortgages, utilities, insurance and fuel are paid for, there's very, very little leftover [for] treats, extracurricular activities and holiday activities because there's just not enough money," she tells ABC RN's Life Matters.
"The rising cost [of living] is really complicating life."
These days most Australians are, like Tam, having to modify their lives as they manage huge cost-of-living stress.
And it's not only impacting what we buy or how we spend, it's impacting our relationships — with partners, friends, colleagues and children.
"I was concerned that my child would start thinking that I was just being a mean mum," Tam says.
Psychologist Sahra Behardien O'Doherty, president of the Australian Association of Psychologists Inc, says conversations about money and financial worries can have a "really big impact on interpersonal relationships".
"That can often cause huge amounts of stress for people."
"Chances are that has to come out somewhere — and we tend to take out our big emotions on the people who are closest to us."
So what can you do if this cost of living crisis is impacting your relationships?
Being open about money matters
To help manage conflicts around money with her daughter, Tam decided to bring her into the conversation and arm her with information.
"I showed her precisely how much I earn and precisely where the money goes," she says.
"[We looked at] a loose budget of, this is what I have to pay the bank for the mortgage, and this is what I pay the electricity, water and insurance companies, and this is what the shopping and the fuel costs — and this is what's left over to play with."
It was an effective move.
"It really helped open her eyes to the reality of life. I probably would have preferred to not do that at such a young age, but she's a clever kid," Tam says.
"All kids ask for things every time you go to the shops, but now when I say, 'No, that's not in our budget priority today', instead of a sulky reaction, she's like, 'OK Mum'. She's far more accepting.
"I'm not just saying 'no' now. I'm explaining why."
Ms O'Doherty says developmentally appropriate conversations with our children about money are crucial.
She says they're a good way to teach children about the value of money, how it's budgeted and spent, and why parents need to set spending limits. And the conversations provide a sense of collaboration and negotiation with young people.
Cutting back on socialising
Ms O'Doherty's clients of all ages are struggling with the cost-of-living crisis.
That includes young people, who often point to the cost of dating and how expensive it can be to go out and meet people. Expectations around going out for dinner and drinks is "a massive pressure", Ms O'Doherty says.
"A lot of people that I speak to feel as though they can't participate in dating as much as they would like to because they simply can't afford it."
But older people feel their social options are narrowing too.
Canberran Jennifer, who is in her 40s, says she's had to reduce her socialising since buying her first home recently.
"That was really tough being a single person. I have no family in Canberra so I used to socialise three to four times a week, and now I've had to cut that back to three to four times a month."
She's turning to walks and picnics over cafés and restaurants and says her friendship group has been supportive of the shift.
"A lot of them are in the same position," she says.
NSW South Coast resident Chenka, who is also single and on a lower income than many of her friends, has similarly modified how she socialises as everything has become more expensive.
"My friends do things that I can't always join in on, like going for dinners or holidays," she says.
Sometimes explaining that she can't join can be a little awkward — both for her to say and for her friends to hear — but she's generally open about it and finds that mostly that feels OK.
She's also found some great free alternatives, like ocean swimming with her friends.
Important to stay connected
Maintaining social connections in the current financial climate is a common challenge, Ms O'Doherty says.
But she says even a regular text message can remind people you're thinking about them.
"One of the things that really [brings] a sense of isolation is feeling as though you can't reach out. And the longer we leave it … the harder it is to get back in touch, to reconnect."
But we first need to have a "really deep understanding and acceptance of our own personal situations", Ms O'Doherty says.
That includes understanding our own income, budget, and financial boundaries and limits.
Admitting to yourself that you can't afford to go out for meals with friends or on holidays with them can help manage internal expectations and resist "putting other people's needs and expectations above what we actually have capacity to do".
Managing external expectations — for example, from friends or colleagues — requires a different approach.
"The foundation of any good relationship is open and honest communication," Ms O'Doherty says.
"If our friends are coming to us with any kind of issue, whether it's about the cost of living or money or whether it's about their relationships or anything else, our job as a friend is to be able to listen and to be there for them respectfully.
"Even if that situation doesn't apply to us, we absolutely can be empathetic to their situation."
If you're not feeling the financial crunch personally but want to be a supportive friend, Ms O'Doherty recommends proposing social activities that are inexpensive so that more people can be included.
"As humans, we definitely have the ability to adapt, and we can make little changes even when we are under pressure, in order to get towards a more optimistic and hopeful future."
The National Debt Helpline (1800 007 007) provides free, confidential advice from professional financial counsellors. The Federal Government's Moneysmart.gov.au website has free tools and information to assist with a wide range of financial matters.
