A music expert’s tips on making an unforgettable mixtape (or playlist) for your Valentine

There’s something about tangible music that the digital world simply can’t touch. Whether that’s putting a new record on the turntable, popping a shiny CD out of its jewel case or clicking a tape into place on a cassette deck.

I still remember a time when cassette was king – when the ultimate Christmas present was a pack of blank tapes, and recording your favourite songs from the radio without the interference of the DJ’s voice was a skill to be proud of.

Then, of course, there was the mixtape. Lovingly compiled over weeks, dubbed from CDs, other cassettes, the radio or LPs, the track listings would be written on the back in your neatest handwriting. When the time was right, you passed it on to that special someone.

The process wasn’t without risk, of course. Critic Christopher Partridge has noted that, for many of us, popular music is central to the construction of our identities and sense of self. That means that creating something so personal often felt like giving up a section of our diaries.

Handing it over to the wrong person and having your taste ridiculed was a surefire way to spend the next few days wallowing in self-pity, eating multipacks of crisps and listening to The Smiths. Handing it over to the right person, though, and seeing them share your love for those most precious of songs was a certain way to take a relationship to the next level.

Cassette tapes and players are having a second lease on life. They can be bought online for as little as £30, or even cheaper if you get lucky in a charity shop.

So, this Valentine’s Day, why not do something that really shows how much you care, and go old school instead of just sending over another Spotify link? Here are five top tips from a seasoned mixtape maker.

Looking for love this Valentine’s Day? Whether you want to improve your relationship with others or with yourself, The Quarter Life Glow-up can help.

This six-week newsletter course from The Conversation will bring you research-backed advice and tools to help improve your relationships, your career, your free time and your mental health – no supplements or skincare required. Sign up here to start your glow-up at any time.

1. Be honest

Romantic mixtapes are supposed to be an opportunity for you to share the tracks that you love; a chance to say “this is a piece of me – what do you think?” If you’re choosing tracks simply because you think they’ll make you look current, deep or edgy, therefore, you’re not being true to the process. Pick the songs that mean something to you and don’t overthink how they may look to someone else.

2. Be considerate

If you know the recipient of your mixtape quite well, chances are you might also know a little something about their music tastes.

Tip one still applies in such an instance, but that’s not to say you should force-feed them Metallica, for example, if they’ve previously said they hate heavy metal. Doing so would either show you to be someone who doesn’t listen (bad), or someone who listens, but doesn’t care (worse).

So, be considerate, but don’t spend the whole time thinking “Oh God: will they hate this?” They might do, of course, but if they haven’t given you a clue either way, it’s a risk you’ll have to take.

3. Don’t be cringey

Mixtapes, especially Valentine’s mixtapes, are not about vicariously displaying your feelings for someone through the voice and lyrics of others. Instead, they are about showing that you trust someone enough to share the songs that are important to you.

To that end, please, no Let’s Get It On or J’taime… Moi Non Plus. Not least because it may make the object of your affection cringe, which (hopefully) won’t be your desired reaction.

Also, try to avoid cringey behaviours when presenting the mixtape, whether that’s saying, “oh, you’re going to LOVE this,” followed by winks and elbow nudges, or, on the flipside, being almost apologetic: “You’re probably going to hate it … but here it is anyway.”

Instead, just go with something like, “I made you this,” hand it over, and let the music do the rest of the talking.

4. Sequencing

When it comes to deciding the running order of your mixtape, it can be looked upon like the sequencing of an album.

Joy Division and New Order’s Peter Hook says that a tracklist should “build up … slow down” and then have a “big finish”. Taylor Swift says she never likes to put two happy songs in a row or two of the same kind of sadness in a row. Adele swears by leaving the biggest and boldest track to the end. And Elbow’s Guy Garvey likes to include a short post-script of song after the record sounds like it’s ended, which feels like extra kisses at the bottom of a letter.

Unfortunately, our modern attention spans may also need to be taken into consideration. Radio expert Kelli Fannon admits that she can only get through the first three or four songs of an album (or mixtape) before the phone rings, someone asks a question, or she has a meeting to run to. And she’s not alone.

So, if there are a few songs you really want your lover to hear, ignore the sequencing advice of the stars, and make sure you put those tracks first.

Looking for something good? Cut through the noise with a carefully curated selection of the latest releases, live events and exhibitions, straight to your inbox every fortnight, on Fridays. Sign up here.

5. Variety is the spice of life

I’ll never forget my wife’s face when she came to the end of Satan Rejected My Soul by Morrissey, which I’d inexplicably and inadvisably put on the mixtape I’d made for her a few weeks after we’d met.

Sure, I sulked for a bit (how could she not like it?) but we moved past it, and 20 years on I just know not to play Morrissey within her earshot. It’s unlikely the recipient of your tape is going to love every track and, so long as they let you down respectfully, all is well.

With hindsight, I can’t think of an instance where Satan Rejected My Soul should ever be on a mixtape. So do yourself (and your love interest) a favour and leave that one off.

Glenn Fosbraey does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.