When surgeons found a cancerous tumour during a colonoscopy Amanda Wright thought she was having for haemorrhoids, the only call she made was to her husband.
"I sent my mother a Facebook message, which is a shit way to do it, but I couldn't stop crying and I really didn't want to have an actual conversation with anyone," says the 43-year-old from Mackay/Yuwibara Country, who has since been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer.
"After a couple of days, I sent my best friends messages to let them know, and then a few days after that I did the general 'Facebook announcement'."
Social media has since been a helpful way for the mother and newsletter editor to keep people up-to-date with her health.
Earlier this week the Princess of Wales revealed in a three-minute video she is no longer receiving chemotherapy, and will return to a light program of external engagements in the coming months.
Most people having cancer treatment won't have a highly produced video released by a PR team to update others.
But they will find themselves answering a lot of questions, and that can feel burdensome at times, says Kate White from the Cancer Nursing Research Unit at the University of Sydney.
They may also feel like other parts of who they are become invisible.
"One of the things we talk about is 'I'm more than my disease'," Professor White says.
Setting boundaries and choosing how to communicate
Talking about her cancer diagnosis and treatment isn't an issue for Amanda.
"A lot of people don't want to be really open and public with their journey, but for me, I knew it would be the easiest way to deal with everything.
"I hate being cryptic; I like the cards laid on the table and I knew that if I were to continue working throughout, I would have to be open, honest, and raw from the get-go."
Amanda keeps everyone updated on Facebook, including sharing the lows of treatment.
Professor White says there is no one-size-fits-all approach to communicating about cancer.
Friends, family and colleagues of the person with the disease "feel bad" if they don't ask about it, she says, so people need to be prepared for that.
If someone needs to set boundaries, Professor White recommends nominating a key contact person.
"Different ways to do this can be a WhatsApp group or email [list] that a family member or friend can use to update your close circle."
She says they should also spend some time thinking about how they want people to engage, signalling things they'd like to talk about other than cancer.
"It might be a case of saying, 'I'd love to hear about what is happening in your day' or 'If we go out for a coffee, can we chat about the kids?'"
The cancer identity
If someone is feeling like people only ever want to talk about their health, Professor White suggests reminding people about "who you are beyond your diagnosis".
"The things you would have done as a part of your friendship circles [for example], grab hold of the things that really reflect who you are as a person.
"If you want to become really involved as a cancer volunteer and the survivorship stuff that's great — but you don't have to."
Amanda says she understands people are curious about "the big C", but she's trying to balance those conversations with other things that matter to her.
"[There] is so much fear attached to it … I don't mind talking about it and have as much time for people as they want. If anything, at the end of a catch-up I usually question myself along the lines of, 'Did I talk too much about it?'
"Because a fear of mine is that I will talk too much about it and then friends won't want to catch up because all I'll talk about is cancer.
"So, I think there's a balance to be struck there."
The trickiest time is when people ask about her prognosis.
"I'm cautiously optimistic, yet the month before receiving my own diagnosis, we travelled to New Zealand for the funeral of one of my husband's best friends who also had bowel cancer," Amanda says.
Why Amanda chooses to embrace the cancer identity
Focusing on family and work helps Amanda through treatment. She's expected to complete eight rounds of chemotherapy by Christmas.
"[I] try to keep myself busy in other ways so I don't lose myself to the disease."
She has continued to work full time, and has set a goal to be back competing in Masters Athletics as a thrower.
"I'm still a mum to the most gorgeous little boy, he and my husband are my absolute world and my reason for everything."
Amanda is also focused on improving the cancer pathway for others, and says she's happy to embrace her "cancer identity" if that helps.
"I now want to fight for better legislation surrounding the lack of referrals from GPs for further testing or investigation with cancer misdiagnosis.
"I want to push for fairer equity between cancers and I want to fight for better palliative conditions for people dying in immense pain.
"If I can take just one of these battles to Canberra and make the cancer journey better for someone else who has to walk a similar path, then that's a cancer identity I'm happy to have."
