Em Rusciano has become accustomed to navigating her way through a chaotic life.
The 46-year-old writer, singer, podcaster, comedian and single mum of three has just released her new memoir, Blood, Sweat and Glitter: A Coming of Middle Age Story.
The book chronicles her life over the past seven years, including quitting breakfast radio, raising neurodivergent children, going through perimenopause and being diagnosed with ADHD and autism.
The self-described "maximalist power queen" from the Yarra Valley, on the traditional lands of the Wurundjeri people, shares how her life has changed since her diagnoses and how setting boundaries has improved her wellbeing.
Unwind with… is a regular column that explores the simple ways interesting people take care of themselves.
How my life has changed since my diagnoses…
My approach to life in general has gone from "set myself on fire to keep everyone else warm", to "look after yourself, eat right, get enough sleep, exercise, take in stuff that lifts you up, be around great people and take risks".
Since finding out I am autistic, ADHD and in perimenopause — what a time — a lot of the shame I felt around the way that I view the world has gone.
I know that I'm lucky to be able to think laterally and have these big feelings and write stuff and make things that make other people feel less alone and have a better, bigger, [life] with more love in it.
I think the diagnosis has allowed me to name and claim and feel good about my "let's have a crack" approach to life.
What a break looks like for me…
A break is having even one week with nothing on the calendar — and that includes the kids, as well. I find it really hard to be creative when I'm so scheduled. [On] a break … I will work, but it'll be on my own terms, and it'll be stuff that's just kind of free-flowing.
A change I've made to improve my wellbeing…
Saying no. As a woman especially, and as a creative and someone in the arts, you're scared to say no for so many reasons.
So, I sat down and figured out how I wanted my life to look and now, every opportunity that comes in — or person, or anything that will take time and energy — I ask myself, "Does this point me towards that life I want or away from it?" It's a really simple, binary question that my brain loves, and I go with the first gut yes or no.
If it's something that genuinely bounces as a maybe, then I ask for more time from the person.
A technique I have employed to improve my focus…
I try not to set myself up to fail. There are things I just can't focus on, like I just f***ing hate emails and folding the washing.
The technique for me is, if I can delegate something that will melt my ADHD brain, I will find a way to do that.
I try to set myself up to succeed, because I have no attention span — I'm like a meerkat on acid. So yeah, to improve my focus, I try not to do things that take focus.
A go-to comfort meal…
There are four autistic people in my house, so all the food we eat is comfort food. Tacos — just mince, guacamole, sour cream, iceberg lettuce and tomatoes in a shell.
My dad made those tacos until I moved out when I was 19, and I don't think a week's gone by in my life where I haven't had a taco meal.
Somewhere I like to go to unwind…
There's a huge vintage market that stocks the most incredible, crazy costumes, furniture and artwork. It's a huge warehouse.
I put my headphones on, and I step in there, and I visually stim, I get dopamine from it. I like to go to vintage markets, big ones with insane paraphernalia.
But in terms of my favourite place to go? Anywhere near the ocean. As a Piscean, I've just always been drawn to water.
A piece of advice I often return to is…
Well, my dad used to say, "say what you mean, and mean what you say", which is easy as a neurodivergent person, because I don't have a choice, I've figured out.
He also said to "punch 'em in the throat and it won't bruise", but we don't really take that on board … He's a small Italian man, you understand.
Advice for others unwinding…
Truly considering your own wellbeing before everyone else's is the hardest thing for women to do when we've been socially conditioned to feel very selfish about that, but as soon as I did it and figured out I was showing up as a way better mum, a way better boss, a way better friend, [I realised] it really works.
So the biggest advice is, please find a way to really tend to your own garden and really f***ing love yourself in a way that no-one else will do, and your life just gets infinitely better. I promise, like, a money-back guarantee on that.
