Elsie Hewitt "hated" being pregnant

In an essay for America's Elle magazine, she wrote: "For the most part, I hated being pregnant. I was deeply uncomfortable. I was constantly sick, exhausted, and in pain.

"Because of my prior reproductive health issues, I chose to be under the care of an OB-GYN rather than a midwife.

"It was the most clinical approach to pregnancy and birth-not one I loved-but one I felt I needed for my health and safety.

"I found myself in yet another season of frustrating self-advocacy within a medical system that often fails to listen to women as carefully as it should."

Elsie confirmed her pregnancy was "unplanned" and she particularly found things difficult because it came at a time when she was looking forward to reclaiming her physical self for the first time in years.

She wrote: "My pregnancy was unplanned. I got pregnant after many years of feeling disconnected from my body, for a number of reasons. I work in an industry where my body has largely been my livelihood.

"Making a living based on the way you look creates a uniquely complex relationship with your body.

"On top of that - and more recently and relevantly - I lived through years of chronic pain, dismissal, and misunderstanding that was finally diagnosed as stage 4 endometriosis. I underwent laparoscopic excision surgery and barely recovered before becoming pregnant.

"I had been looking forward to a stretch of my life where my body felt like mine again - where I wasn't constantly managing pain or advocating to be believed. Pregnancy, in all honesty, completely derailed that. And I really struggled."

Elsie's essay reflected on her decision not to breastfeed Scottie and the subsequent "guilt" she felt, though ultimately she new choosing formula was the right thing for her and her daughter.

She wrote: "There is inherent guilt in choosing not to breastfeed. My body is biologically programmed to nourish my baby, and opting out of that can feel like going against something ancient, instinctual, and profoundly beautiful.

"That guilt doesn't disappear simply because formula is safe, healthy, and nutritionally complete. I still have to remind myself-and sometimes literally ask to be told-that being mentally and emotionally okay is not separate from being a good mother.

"I wasn't sure the benefits of breastfeeding outweighed the demand, isolation, and exhaustion that can come with it.

"I carried my daughter for over nine months. Once she arrived, I didn't want to remain her sole lifeline in a way that would further deplete me, hinder my recovery, and leave little room for feeding to be shared between my partner and me."