Staring at my computer, distracted by TV noise and the phone by my side, I sense a familiar feeling I had right before taking a screen-time break earlier this year.
It's an overwhelming sense of discomfort and disconnection. A feeling that nothing significant or meaningful is happening in my life.
In December 2024, I realised I was vicariously living through the characters on my screens, trapped in an unhealthy relationship with my phone and TV remote.
The artificial noise was all-consuming. I was no longer curious about the "real" world, just the one the algorithm was feeding me.
For sometimes up to 12 hours a day, I was falling prey to rage bait and the comparison trap.
I wondered what it would be like to live without that noise.
So, I decided to find out, spending three months significantly curbing my habit.
Preparing to make a change
I spent a whole month preparing myself to turn off from the online world emotionally and mentally.
I allowed myself to consume social media and television without guilt.
I was throwing myself a "going-away party," with me as the guest of honour.
The new year was in sight, and for the first time in a long time, I felt as light as a feather.
I was excited by the prospect of knowing that in 2025, the noise dominating my life would be gone.
My Netflix watch list was empty. My apps were set with five-minute usage timers. I started charging my devices early in the evening before putting them away in a drawer to avoid temptation.
Two simple commitments were going to help me through: journal first before reaching for my phone in the morning, and read a book before going to bed.
And when I woke up in 2025, I felt ready to achieve my goal.
Honest conversations with myself
The first thing I noticed was the sound of moving cars and birds.
It felt like the first time I had properly listened to those two sounds without brushing them off.
I journalled how odd it was to not have artificial noise, and to actually enjoy the mundane backdrop of the day.
Instead of staying home with my screens that morning, I went to the beach. I learnt immediately to take these opportunities more often.
As time went on, the silence allowed me opportunities to be more organised and focused. I planned out my days, and even a trip to Fiji.
During that trip, I felt like I was truly living in the moment with my family instead of rushing on to the next thing, or being distracted by my phone.
I relished spending an hour having breakfast with the ocean as my view.
Even at home, I treasured my mornings admiring nature instead of a screen. I would make coffee and sit by the window to watch the lush green trees sway as the sun rose.
I wasn't in a hurry; I could listen to the world.
Learning the art of slowing down also allowed me to listen to others more carefully. I stopped interpreting their words through my own assumptions, instead really hearing what they were saying.
With more time on my hands, I was able to invest in upskilling. I wrote a radio play, using my screens only for specific purposes such as this.
With each passing day, I felt the urge to reach for my phone less. At best, I only picked it up once a day.
The space away from screens also allowed me to have honest conversations with myself through journalling.
Long-overdue conversations about things I had always avoided and overlooked.
It was a time for self-reflection, and recognising some important things about myself.
I'm not overlooked or insignificant. I learnt that the sea of artificial noise I was swimming in had made me feel that way.
I needed to stop waiting for "the right time" to do the things I wanted to do — even small things like going to the beach on that New Year's Day.
I accepted that some people just aren't for me, and I needed to stop waiting for them to show up. Life isn't like the movies or reels I used to constantly consume.
Old habits crept back in
Despite my many epiphanies, when the three months were up, I stumbled back into my old habits.
I had the moxie to do something different, but no long-term plans for how to live within my new-found reality.
I found myself thinking about how to fill the void, instead of realising I was still adjusting to it. I hadn't quite got comfortable with the idea that life can be simpler.
News, TV, Google searches, Reddit — they all became a way to fill in space again.
But while I was back in a relationship with my phone and TV remote, I had come armed with a new lens.
The emphasis I placed on the characters and personalities I was watching had changed for the better.
Content creators and media figures were now just people with a profile. Not people I will truly ever know.
I learnt there's no point in being outraged or jealous over something that's not even my business.
Just because it's in the public domain, doesn't always mean my opinion is needed.
There are a lot of things happening around the world, but for me, nothing is happening. And I'm OK with that.
But it's time for another break. I'm starting to feel the same way I did last year.
I look forward to the quiet, and what I can achieve again in that time.
