Yoga Prasetyo belongs to a generation of children in South-East Asia raised without their mothers.
He only knew her from photos taken in Singapore's parks.
"To me, my mum was not a real person," he said.
Yoga's mother was not dead or missing.
Like millions of women from developing countries, she lived abroad in her employer's home, cleaning up and caring for their children, while her own were left behind to be raised by relatives.
[graph of foreign workers]Since the 1970s, economic powerhouses like Singapore, Hong Kong, and Taiwan have outsourced domestic work to enable high levels of female participation in their workforce.
Governments in the Philippines and Indonesia historically encouraged their citizens to work abroad to increase economic development and reduce unemployment.
About 2 million Filipinos work overseas, mainly in Asia and the Middle East, and 64 per cent of them are women in domestic labour, according to a 2023 survey by the Philippines Statistics Agency.
Growing up motherless
When Yoga was just 18 months old in 1997, his mother left Indonesia for Singapore.
She did not know how long she would be gone for and it would be 25 years before she returned home for good.
Raised by his aunt and uncle, Yoga noticed his family could afford things that others could not, like a bike he was given in grade 3.
Yoga's mother stayed in touch as best she could, first through monthly phone calls to their neighbour's landline.
Over the next decade, she managed to visit him twice, once when he was in kindergarten, and again in grade 5, during which time he struggled to call her "mum".
"I just referred to her as 'kak' which means older sister," he said.
Their relationship improved in middle school when Yoga's mother bought him a mobile phone.
"For the first time in our lives, we were able to just chat much more freely," he said, remembering other children he knew who lost touch with their parents.
But he longed for them to be reunited.
"I would always compare myself to my peers who would be taken to school and who would be picked up by their parents after school," he said.
"They looked like the kind of family that I wanted."
Success is lonely
The advent of video calls allowed Yoga glimpses into his mother's life and workplace which made them closer.
"She would show me when she was doing the laundry and when she was preparing the meals for the family," he said.
His mother took a keen interest in his education which motivated him to perform well and pursue university.
Throughout school he ranked among the top three students of his year level and was proud of his grades.
But the more he achieved, the more he felt her absence.
The end of semester report card ceremony was where well-performing students were recognised by their teachers, classmates, and their families.
"There was nobody there to collect my report and I had to collect it by myself, and that was really sad," he said.
Sacrificing for a future
Many mothers working abroad never witness their children's first words, steps, or day of school.
Rohimah, who goes by a single name, began working as a domestic worker in Singapore in 2007, leaving behind her two-year-old son in Indonesia.
"The first year was very tough for me, especially when I went out and saw children that were the same age as my son," the single mother said.
She returned to Indonesia but after a couple of years fell pregnant with her second son.
So when he was six months old, she left him with her parents to work Singapore again.
Rohimah would phone home, but her sons refused to talk to her.
When she visited, they refused to be carried by her and sought out her mother instead.
That only strengthened her resolve.
"It's okay they didn't recognise me, they weren't close to me. It's fine because I was looking to support their daily expenses, and for the education in the future," she said.
Still, she declined work contracts that involved looking after children because it reminded her of her sons she left behind.
She missed being a "real mother" that got her kids ready for school each morning, did their laundry, and cleaned their room.
As her sons got older it got easier for them to understand why Rohimah lived abroad and for them to stay connected.
Her oldest, now 22, is in university and she is saving for her youngest son aged 15, to attend a school in the city and live independently.
Despite the hardship, she values the financial independence and security working abroad has allowed her.
"I'm preparing for these two children to get more educated, higher than me," she said.
'Treat them as mine'
Raising other children instead of your own can raise complex feelings.
Single mother Agnes Sardia Tono left the Philippines when her only son was a toddler.
She has lived in Singapore for 23 years and has cared for all four of her employer's children since the eldest was born 14 years ago.
"I treat them as mine," she said.
Agnes has brushed their teeth, put them to bed, slept with them, and even captured their first words or steps for their parents.
"I'm not able to send [my son to] school by myself and prepare the snacks to school like this," she said. "I missed that."
Feelings of jealousy can also creep in.
Agnes remembers her son giving her a photo of him after seeing one of her with her employer's family in her wallet.
"Mom this is my photo ... You put it in your wallet," he told her.
Her son is now 25 years old and attends university on a basketball scholarship.
The women the ABC interviewed said by working in Singapore they have earned four to five times what they would make in their home countries, enabling them to be the main breadwinners for their families.
Agnes has been able to pay for family house renovations, daily expenses, bills, school fees, and healthcare expenses even during the COVID-19 pandemic when her siblings lost work.
In 2024, overseas workers sent more than $56 billion back to the Philippines contributing to 8.7 per cent of the country's gross domestic product (GPD).
Indonesian workers remitted $22.4 billion home making up 1.1 per cent of its GPD, according to World Bank data.
Agnes's employers are thinking about returning to the United States, but she feels torn about whether to move with them or remain in Singapore for a few more years until her son graduates.
"I'm so attached with the kids, and I feel it's so hard to think about letting go of them," she said.
"Maybe if the kids can manage on their own, then that's the time."
Footing the care debt
Rohimah and Agnes have close relationships with their grown-up children through daily texts, calls, and social media.
Yoga also has a strong relationship with his mother but parenting from afar did shape it to be one of an "equal" "companionship" rather than a parental caregiving one, he said.
"She would position herself as a friend rather than a mum," he said.
His experience as a "left-behind" child has informed his career as a research assistant and advocate for migrant workers.
Compared to "expatriates", Yoga finds the lack of prospects for permanent migration and family reunification for migrants working abroad in construction or the home on rolling contracts "discriminatory".
He also wants Indonesian civil groups to stop encouraging neighbours and local communities to "collectively" look after children and help them endure family separation because it perpetuates the inequity.
"It's quite misplaced because they are basically supporting the kind of migration regime that that splits this family apart."
Lan Anh Hoang, a professor in development studies at the University of Melbourne said sending countries were in a position to demand from destination countries better protection and entitlements for their workers.
Despite this, she said the Philippines was the only country that had been able to negotiate minimum wage for their migrant workers.
She said receiving countries were likely to compromise because they were mindful of their reputation within the international community and it would also secure a willing and engaged labour force.
"You can reduce the instances of workers running away, participating in the black labour market, being exploited or engaged in criminal activities," she said.
She also expected this labour flow and transference of care between rich and poorer economies to continue as populations aged because child-rearing would be replaced by caring for the elderly in countries like South Korea and Japan.
But despite the toll indefinite family separation can take, Professor Hoang said these labour flows needed to remain available for rural women in developing countries.
"Without that, they wouldn't have the opportunity to make a similar amount of money back home," she said.
