Why grieving a pet can be as hard as grieving a person

For many of us, pets are more than just animals. They are family. So, when a beloved pet dies, the grief can feel overwhelming.

For some, like me, it does more than break your heart. The death of a pet can reopen old emotional wounds, intensifying past trauma and worsening existing mental health challenges.

When my beloved dog died recently, I was blindsided by the weight of the grief. It wasn’t just sadness. It felt like the ground had shifted beneath me. For someone already carrying the weight of past trauma, losing my pet magnified my anxiety and made the world feel far less safe.

And I’m not alone. The death of a pet can intensify existing struggles for people already living with mental health challenges or trauma. This sometimes triggers severe anxiety and depressive episodes or even symptoms similar to post-traumatic stress.

Pets never judge you

Think about losing the one source of comfort that never judged you, never walked away, and always made you feel safe. For many people living with trauma or mental health challenges, that’s what a pet represents.

When that bond is broken, the grief can feel overwhelming – stripping away a vital coping mechanism and sense of security.

And when a pet dies suddenly, the shock can make the grief even harder to bear. That abrupt loss often mirrors the unpredictability of other traumatic experiences, which can trigger intense stress responses.

Pets help us thrive

Pets aren’t just companions. They’re powerful contributors to our health and wellbeing. Living with animals can lower stress, ease feelings of loneliness, and even encourage social interaction.

These benefits ripple through our mental and physical wellbeing. This makes pets more than a source of affection; they’re part of the support systems that help us thrive.

Because of the deep emotional attachment we have to our pets, their loss can feel as painful as losing a close family member or friend, and their absence leaves a profound sense of emptiness.

I feel that emptiness now. The house is still, and the silence seems deafening. I have lost one of my emotional anchors and I feel a little lost.

It isn’t just saying goodbye to a friend that’s hard; it’s losing a key source of comfort and stability. This can be particularly challenging for individuals who depend on them for emotional or practical support, including those living with anxiety, depression or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

What makes this even harder is that society often downplays the grief of losing a pet, leaving people feeling alone and unsupported. When a deep emotional bond is met with little social recognition, the result can be overwhelming, and for some, profoundly destabilising.

Millie Cordaro is an expert in the United States on grief counselling and the psychological impact of pet loss. She explains this kind of disenfranchised grief – loss that isn’t widely acknowledged or supported – can leave people feeling isolated and make healing harder. She says when grief isn’t validated, people may struggle to express their feelings or reach out for help.

Kids can find it particularly tough

If a pet dies when you’re a child this is associated with a significantly higher risk of depression and anxiety later in life. This is partly because the loss can challenge a child’s sense of safety and predictability in the world.

For children who have already experienced trauma, such as family instability, abuse or bereavement, the death of a pet can compound feelings of insecurity and abandonment. These experiences may reinforce maladaptive beliefs, such as “everything I love disappears”, which can shape emotional regulation and attachment patterns well into adulthood.

In some cases, unresolved grief from pet loss can manifest as behavioural issues, academic difficulties, or heightened vulnerability to mental health disorders during adolescence and beyond.

The loss is real

Understanding the psychological weight of losing a pet is essential for providers or mental health care, educators and support networks.

Health professionals rarely screen for pet loss, despite evidence that acknowledging and validating this grief can improve mental health outcomes.

Practical strategies – such as memorial rituals, joining support groups and maintaining continuing bonds with supportive friends and family – can help individuals navigate this complex emotional terrain and prevent the spiral of compounded trauma.

Friends and family can play a role too. It is important not to underestimate the depth of grief associated with losing a pet, or offer platitudes, such as: “It was just a dog” or “You can get another one.” These comments, while well-intentioned, can invalidate the mourner’s experience, increasing feelings of isolation.

Instead, acknowledge the depth of the bond and offer empathy. Sometimes, simply saying “I know how much they meant to you” can make a world of difference.

I know it has helped me to hear this.

Erin Smith does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.