When Louise's husband refused to take their daughter to school on a day Louise was too unwell to drive, it was "the final straw".
"I said 'Please, I really don't want to drive from one end of town to the other and back. Can you please just start [work] 30 minutes later and take her?,'" she recalls.
"He said 'No,' and walked out the door."
Louise, not her real name, says the incident came after years of feeling like she was shouldering the mental load of managing their family alone.
"I just said to him, 'I need a break from you. Otherwise, I don't want to be put in a position where I do make a decision that it's all or nothing, because I feel that right now it'll be nothing.'"
Louise saw a marriage sabbatical as an opportunity to help her get clear on what she really wanted. And maybe give her husband some time to reflect, too.
ABC podcast Ladies, We Need to Talk, spoke with Louise and two other women about taking a break from their marriage, and whether a relationship reboot leads to rupture or repair.
'What do I want from this marriage?'
After almost two decades of being the household manager, Louise says she was at her wit's end.
"When saying, 'You right to head off to the supermarket?' he'd just stand in front of the fridge and ask if we need milk," she says of her husband.
"I would generally end up just writing the list, along with [putting] everything on the calendar that the kids required, [and] what was coming up for us as well.
"But then he'd get grumpy if I forgot about his phone bill and I was like, 'Dude, I've got the kids and myself. I can't remember your phone bill. Write it on the calendar.'
"I just found having to remind him of things that happened daily, really difficult."
Louise says she's tried to explain the concept of the mental load, but there's no change.
"Sometimes when I scream things, they get done. But I would like to just ask without the getting grumpy."
Louise's husband is living out of the family home while on their break. She says the kids handled it well when they explained they were taking some time for themselves.
She told the children they couldn't give them a timeline, but that "Dad would be nearby", and still doing pick-ups.
"They were fine."
She says the break, for her, is about reflecting on what she wants from the marriage. And what her husband wants, too.
"I just don't think he cares right now. He says that he does … [but] I can't feel it.
"I said to him, 'You might realise and go, actually, I don't want to come back.'
"And that's fine."
'Why can't I just be content?'
Georgie, not her real name, describes her partner of two decades as safe, kind and emotionally stable.
But Georgie, who is a clinical psychologist, says the "spark" within herself has faded during their time together.
"I had really found more energy, spark, aliveness, and vitality in areas outside of our relationship," says the 49-year-old.
Learning to surf was one of those experiences. Georgie says connecting with nature and being out on the water was "awe-inspiring", highlighting how uninspiring home life was.
"Life was getting very, very colourful. And I would go home and it would feel very beige."
Georgie found herself spending more time outside of the home to avoid being around her husband. She suggested a sabbatical might help.
"We need a hard reset … can we restart this relationship in a way that's going to work where we can both feel alive?"
Georgie and her husband planned to live separately for 30 days, and during that time they would have limited contact.
Their tween child would spend time with them both.
When Georgie spoke to Ladies, We Need to Talk, the sabbatical was almost over.
"The first four or five days … were really, really hard. I got really sad.
"I got filled with self-doubt … what's wrong with me? Why can't I be just content?
"I don't need him to fold the laundry more or to take out the bins. He does all of those things. And this is where I get caught in my own guilt and shame."
But Georgie says for the rest of the month, she was living life the way she wanted to. And was dreading their time apart coming to an end.
"Can I keep that spark? Am I going to lose that energy and vitality and, and become more beige and quiet in myself if I return?
"Not because he makes me that way or he squashes me on purpose, but because of his kind of beautiful, neutral way of being in the world."
Asked what she would counsel one of her clients in this situation to do, Georgie says: "I'd probably encourage them to imagine five years, 10 years, 15 years down the track.
"One, staying and making do, or the other one forging a new path and what would they picture and imagine, and then what feels right in their heart."
Georgie and her husband recently extended their sabbatical for a few months to give themselves time to decide on next steps.
'I'm already planning another one'
Nikki says a marriage sabbatical has improved her relationship. So much so, she plans to take one every year.
The 53-year-old, whose name we have changed, recently went overseas to have some time apart from her husband.
A financial investment had caused tension in the relationship.
"He's just a risk taker. He's not mainstream in the way he thinks and the way his brain works.
"My husband's a really good man and I love him, and he has a lot of wonderful qualities.
"Sometimes I berate myself and I think those things should be the only things that matter."
But financial security means a lot to Nikki, who says she worked hard to gain it after her first marriage ended.
Menopause has also played a role.
"I lost my libido massively. I really did notice a lot of change in myself as well," Nikki says.
"I just didn't feel good and my body changed a lot. My energy was awful, hot flushes, irritability, just really feeling that guttural rage that people talk about."
A feeling that she needed to go away eventually won out, and a friend offered her their house in Europe.
"It wasn't just the relationship with my husband, it was all of my relationships. It was my children, it was my work, it was my friends, it was my family, it was everyone. I wanted a break from everything."
Nikki says she was worried she would miss home, but there was "none of that".
"I felt better physically.
"I was just happy walking around, eating an empanada for dinner and having a gelato.
"I was happy as."
When she returned home, Nikki says she was determined to make changes for herself, including prioritising her needs more.
Nikki and her husband are in counselling, and she is optimistic about the relationship.
"We want to be together. We choose each other every day. I love him very much."
Meanwhile, the sabbatical won't be her last. She's already planning her next solo trip to Europe.
